Prior to arriving in Barbados, I went to Politics and Prose to pick up a few books. Out of the five, I've read two.
After every ending, it takes a minute for me to be ready to digest the next.
It's interesting in refelction considering how much media my brain consumes when scrolling through Instagram/Twitter/Snapchat. It takes much longer for self to get fed up and put it down. But I do feel proud that TikTok does not have much allure to me as it had in 2020.
Regardless, I waited all day to finally start The Other Black Girl by Zakiya Dalila Harris.
The prologue mentions Poughkeepsie - an area I visited frequently growing up, to visit my mom's childhood best friend, stay in their home, attend their church, eat cooked meals, watch TV and sometimes, use their computer with wifi. It was always a glorious time for me because it was all opposite of our life.
Which now that I write it, explains more of my current noticing that I can often slip into a narrative that "visiting" others homes/lives/spaces is what colors my own.
My life is abundant. I am grateful I have so many outlets to experience different lives within. That at 25 I can recognize, I pause moments as if there's something greater elsewhere ... as my childhood been shaped - I'd go to other people's homes for holidays, vacations. It was other people that moved me forward.
And so I thank you. I thank the Hogans, the Moores, the Singers, the Sherry's, the Secaira's ... all of you... for getting me here. Bringing me with you.
So that now as I refocus. Reorient.
I can do so with confidence and free of guilt.
Nothing is owed.
Nothing is paused.
Nothing is waiting.
I am, have been, and always will be whole - soulo loves herself deeply.
The self determination continues to speak volumes to her character.
Our love is loyal, nostalgic, sensitive and deep.
Thank you my Ravey Baby.
Thank you for spending this year falling in love again - it feels comfortable.