WOW
This novel was admittedly a bit hard to stay connected to because i was so confused about the numerous plot lines
However - I am so glad I stuck with it and finished
Harris tackles themes of work place dynamics, community bonds and relationships with self - in an extremely interesting way
To be the only Black woman in an office dynamic - was relatable
Not trusting the new Black woman that is super chummy and well received by our white coworkers - was relatable
Trying to discern my relationship with the new Black woman, surveying if I could trust her - was relatable
The reasonings for wanting to code switch, assimilate .. numb yourself into fitting in well - was relatable
In relfection, I can see how much I felt like Nella at my last work place. Trying desperately to hold on to myself, to stand firm as a way to ensure my Blackness was preserved. But the underlying jealousy when I watched the new Black woman play a game so well .. as she treated our white peers with a similar attitude to me .. when she largely ignroed me in the office to "not let them group us together" ... when her work ethic was excused due to these work place bonds they heavily nurtured with her, as I'd already transitioned into the ostracized Black woman of the team
The ways in which she excused a lot of their behaviors or curiously egged me on for details of my work place experience ... only to cosign it all but two months after I quit, by leaving herself
But that's the point I believe Zakiya Dalila Harris was making
Hazel was aware just as Nella was
However, she used her tools to play the game
And Hazel couldn't flourish without Nella's participation, or lack thereof
Because the work place wasn't built for two
Couldn't survive as needed with two Black women on the same team, with a shared attitude
No - there could only be one
And unfortunately, we know that
So we distrust
* The theme of "Am I Black Enough?" (p.242) also stood out because specifcally this last year of 2022, I've understood how many people question this for themselves ...
Narrowly I assumed it was only other Biracial people b/c they were the only group I had these deeper conversations with regarding what defines Blackness and how do we make
But this year, I've had so many conversations with Black men and women, who question this for themselves .. not having to do with their racial makeup, but from their environment, learned culture, relationships, etc.
• 2 January 2023 | Barbados •