my heart is hurting
and im paying attention
calling out
when it aches
looking her directly in the eyes
your words
your eyes
your body
hurts
i want it all
i want it to be mine
that glow that eminates
and so sadly
do i not wish to fight
am i not fighting
the life i desire
the one i can clearly see when my fear doesn't fog
is so accesible
known
understood
my self power is bold
my words
affective
my actions
lacking
i want to crawl inside her skin
because it is what?
less work than doing it myself?
she's made the guidebook
the blueprint
raven
you just have to get up
meditate
yoga
hafama breathwork
cold plunge
face
teeth
coconut oil
warm clothes
look over days list
walk
podcast
return and cook for yourself, nourish
then return to the chair
and work towards it
edit your videos
work on this website
send the emails
clean up digital spaces
answer your phone
then check in
light the candle
read over my definition of love
did i honor it? me ? Raven?
write my daily letter to future Raven
present tense
the future is known
i am emotionally, physically and spiritually sound
i am financially abundant as i work in my assistantship to jessica nabongo
every day i have the same morning routine, no matter the place nor time
when i wake i immediately go to my yoga mat and meditate
move my body
hoffman breathwork before taking a cold shower
my meditation music plays in the background
as i honor and cleanse myself with sage, prayers and affirmations
i write to myself, i check in to say hello raven i love you and i see you
i thank and appreciate you
we are about to have a busy day of community, business, conversation and nourishment
i will cook you healthy foods that enables your body to continue being fit
we plank for two minutes a day in mediation, in movement
Raven we are in love
with ourselves and the peace that's set the foundation for my life
it is in consistent, disclipined and positive support of my spiritual wellbeing
that I hold myself with respect, integrity, grace and love
allowing my love for others to thrive in more connective, nourishing, lasting ways
so we will watch her on repeat
until her words are a soundtrack
the images ingrained
the discipline to arrive at a place of love, imbued
the woman of my dreams
is free of the physical, material, spiritual, negative pounds
i establish a level of comfort and warmth
surrounded by an eager community wishing to pour love into one another
lol can you tell i just read bell hooks?
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26 January 2023 | D.C.