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Raven C. Waters

born a crime

His ending caught me -

The need to walk away.


The knowing that I can not stay here

And if I do

I will die


Spiritually first


Physically whenever

It wouldn't matter

b/c that life would have taken everything from me anyway.


I walked away from her.


But I'm sitting here in question,

was I too late?

Did I try too hard to make something of nothing

and lose myself?


I don't recognize me.

Not right now.

Not since I moved in with her in 2019.


Sitting in that room

So confused as to how I ended up back there


Clear answer being covid

but existentially - I was at a deep loss. I began grieving.


I thought life would've carried me far away from her talons

from the look in her eyes that made me aware she was not a mother

she was not aware of me


she was in her world

and I was a thorn in her side


I had believed I was bright, worthy, full of love

My life had reflected that


until it didn't


until my physical world became hers again


so i believed.

believed her.

believed I was dark, a devil, a bitch

unworthy of the life I had carved for myself



I'd always questioned it for myself

how did I travel? love? laugh?

It wasn't what I had known

but I found it

in me

in him

in my worlds


then I gave it away

released it all to the wind of her beliefs.


I should've never went back.

Should've been loud and visible in my desperation for a home.


Instead I was silent

I went to her

and in less than six months

I came to see her visions as truth.


four years later


two with no communication


and yet,

tonight I wondered if my community would choose me

if they could see the love and light in me

if that would shine brighter than any dark spots


if I'd be enough


for them to see past her.


• 2 October 2023 | Brooklyn, NYC • 
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