You dont know what is like to be unloved, truly unloved, until you are. And it's not all or nothing osmetimes. Sometimes it's someone choosing to forever give you the leat amount
"At 18 parenting ended, everything else is a gift" But this is hell. I am in hell and she knows it. she perepturate sit until I can't breathe. I couldn't breahte in the home that I love, that she knows that I love, and that has now decided to sell so no one gets it. I can't breahte when she calls my phone to recount every negative aspect of her life, ignoring how hard I must try to keep negaitivty away from my fragile mentla satate. I can't breathe even now. As I type this with tears streaming down my face, struggling to breathe because I taught myself a long time ago to not make a scene when my agony is too much to bear. Even in a silent dark toom, I limit my emotions. But I want to screm.
I want to scream at her. In her face. Loud and articualte. I know nothing will chnage, nothign ever changes. And that is the point. No matter how I feel, no matter how I horrible I feel, she trumps me. With disgusting nuances.
Parengting ended at 18. I am 22. I will no longer allow myself to try to cconjure up a relationship with someone that does not know me, nor want to know me to then create one. I am 21 and will no longer hvae a mother.
One day I hope to be okay with that.