As the year comes to a close, I feel alone. No one tells you that part of being an adult and forming a life for yourself, entails that when you cut certain people off.. it can be the ones that are closest to you. They don't tell you that it is okay to choose yourself, even if it means losing someone that you thought would one day realize that they are supposed to always be there for you; and evolve as you grow.
However, this year has taught me a few positives things about life and myself through my relationships with other people. So, here they are:
number one fan : you were the roller coaster . From you, I learned that as much I want to be the perfect shoulder to cry on for someone- I can't. I could not fix you the way I had intended, I could not show you that you're deserving of love, I could not fill the void in you. Even though I was tearing myself a part, I was only able to realize this when I walked away. It hurt, but I respect it now and needed it more than I was aware of.
a gem : before the summer I genuinely believed that I would lose you. It is a common theme that friends grow apart when they go to different schools, and ours are in opposite directions. We barely spoke (mutually at fault) and never saw each other when on break. But a summer together changed it all. Still the intelligent and breath taking woman that I was blessed to befriend all those years ago. Except now, I was able to see that you have grown to love yourself in the most beautiful ways.
luna : wanting to settle down and have children is such a taboo goal in society now, but you never made me feel less than for wanting that. There was always this understanding that wanting to do everything and anything, was not only possible but a realistic goal for us. I am thankful because I often forget this, and a simple conversation with you inspires me all over again- and honestly, to do things that I can't even name.
fat cat : I've missed you, and am thankful that things do come full circle. You've become someone I can admire and look to to see that depression is not all-consuming, and does not last forever. For some that is just a sentence, but for me it is the motivation that I often need.
my BK love: You literally came out of nowhere. I was not expecting to have a woman like you to come and transform my life, but that is exactly what you did. Whenever I was having a difficult time in school, you would swoop in and make some changes. Social problems? You'd analyze and let me know where I was at fault in the situation. Through you I can articulate my worth to others, and stand firm in my values. The ways that you love me, constantly inspires me to find new ways to love myself.